matturday: so I ended my english presentation with “these fatal flaws brought macbeth to his macdeath” and at least 60% of the class groaned
sassminsterabbey: gigatrix: sassminsterabbey: weaponsandtranquility: sassminsterabbey: party hosting 101: replace your drinking alcohol with methyl alcohol and then watch all your guests go blind, have seizures, puke and eventually die. this here is why bloggers can’t host parties. what made you think i wanted my guests to have a good time OH MY GOD xD you are going to write me...
realitybl0ws: heres to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
himchanspenus: Here’s a serious advice. Even the nicest people have their limits. Don’t try to reach that point because the nicest people are also the scariest assholes when they’ve had enough.
thegodofmischiefmanaged: kawaiirubbish: kawaiisquad: Man what would happen if we took every criminal and threw them on a continent and just let them have at it for like 50 years? What would they even say when we came back? probably “g’day mate!” it’s funny because that’s the actual history of australia
michaxl: oomshi: *asks ouija board what’s for dinner* *finger slides to the d*
Reblog this if you want a LONG anonymous message...
a-ckleholic: gtaire: r u ever scared to walk past a group of teenagers even though you are also a teenager r u ever scared to walk past a group of people even though you are also a people
dont-fuckingpanic: text-pistol: wearing-sammy-to-the-prom: princeharrehs: princeharrehs: omfg i just ordered pizza and as i was about to hang up i said love you out of habit and the guy said it back and after a whole minute of dead silence he just tells me that he hopes that i’m not expecting a discount on the pizza just cause we confessed our undying love for each other! oMFG! guys!...
too-stoned-to-remember: Finding someone with the same music taste as you
misguidedkathrynxx: dnlhern: i can’t believe the teen titans bought tumblr i am okay with this
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
neutraljudgment: whoa whoa whOA my parent’s names are Frank and Eileen so when their first initials are combined together it’s FE liKE THE SYMBOL FOR IRON I AM OFFICIALLY THE CHILD OF IRON PEOPLE
NO. Bad Mark! Look what you did! Stop doing this shit and you won’t get hurt!
exp0rted: we all have that one follower who we want to sexually destroy
foreveralone-lyguy: I’m going to start quoting fall out boy whenever someone starts talking I’m able to sing this in my head, so proud. *tear*
arkhams: hey … so,.. uhh… (looks at notecards) did you uh did …you fall out of heaven because um (drops cards) shit fuck oh god fuck im so sorry youre-youre just s o.pretty i m soryr
piercelopez: there are two types of crushes: 1. a casual crush, you look at them and you’re like “wow you’re pretty cute i’d like to get to know you better” 2. absolutely, undeniably head over heels oh my god are you fucking kidding me you are perfect wow i’m literally going to rethink every conversation we’ve ever had for the next 9 hours of my life please love me there is no in between
Don’t you EVER think that you’re not good enough.